Darn so many to pack, so little time. Its already been a year since I last went through this SAME phase. Whaaa? Time sure flies huh.

Things to do by tomorrow night (not in order):

1. Shop for gifts
2. Fold laundry
3. Pack stuff into boxes
4. Look for boxes -.-
4. Copy songs and pics from pc into laptop
5. Pack stuff into luggage
6. Take stuff downstairs to 026
7. Play fireworks
8. Clear stuff from the studio
9. Clean the room and bathroom some

Hold on. Its been a year, really? Hmm.

ETA: 3 hours to flight. Fortunately managed to do all the above. Even had a few hours of sleep last night. Everything is possible when you put your mind to it and have lovely lovely friends like mine. See you guys on the other side of the pacific. XXxxX :)

Have you seen my serious rocker face?


Haha. Last night was halloween but we had our own costume party a week earlier. My friends and I went as KISS. It was fun, everyone who came went all out in dressing up. A lot of creative costumes - Samurai X, the Joker, Invisible Man, Corpse Bride to name a few. I almost won the best costume but lost in a catwalk to a Pharaoh. But of course anyone would lose to a pharaoh.

The last time I dressed up for halloween was third grade. Went trick or treating around the block with my two brothers. One was a power ranger, the other as one of the Bulls. I had on a pair of frayed jeans shorts, a headband and called myself pocahontas. Pocahontas with a shorter hair-do.

Hmm. Come to think of it third grade was also the last time I had bangs. Have always avoided it after I had my own say on what haircut I want for myself. But yesterday I went and had them cut again. Now I remember the reason why I hated having fringe in the first place. Theyre dang annoying. However my first thought when I looked in the mirror: ooohh Jessica Alba in Honey. Second: hmm Colbie Caillat. Hahaha, budget. Very the. I kid, I kid, they are LOADS times prettier. T.T

Its been a week. Im suffering through major Mark Salling withdrawal.

Its the darn puppy eyes.

And the fluffy mohawk.

His hard jawline.

The sexy pout OMGAH.

The half-smile/smirk that softens his features.

Also the smile that reaches his eyes.

Need I even say more?

Moving on. Nothing to see here.

Why am I not surprised to learn that he has been telling people that we were never a couple. I got the feelings that he had been saying that I was the one who was stalking/crazy about him. Now Im really tempted to dig up all our old MSN conversations. For the record, he asked me to be his girlfriend three times before I said yes.

I dont know what bogus lies hes told or fantasy hes trying to live in. As much as I want to delete him from my life too and pretend he never happened, he did. What we had was short but it did take place.


Click images to enlarge. (images deleted)

ps/ Im sorry but I wouldnt care so much about this if he hadnt make it like I was the one whos delusional.

Ive made my peace with what had happened between my ex and I, Ive forgiven and forgotten, Ive really had. And Ive tried finding reasons to not be angry at this, but I cant. Yesterday I found out that he had given a present I bought him, a couple's tee, which I bought, to his new girlfriend.

Mm-hmm say it with me, WTF???!

Yes I told him to do whatever he wanted with them. I gave mine to him because I didnt want to keep it. But to give it to his girlfriend after me? What is that? Who does that?! It was my shirt. Ive worn it. Fallen asleep in it once! I would have preferred to see it on a homeless person than to see him wearing it with her.

I bought it dammit! Bought them in Spore. $40 bucks. With my mum and my brother. My sister and Shamaz have seen it too. They can vouch that I bought it. I bought it because of something he said to me about how we were like magnets. It was meaningful and thoughtful, at least to me. And to see her wearing it? MY SHIRT, which I BOUGHT??? Was like a kick in the stomach.

I bet he says that she attracts him like a magnet too. But I dont care about that, he probably had said some same things to her as he had me. I wouldnt expect him to be original with his pick up lines when he even recycles MY gift, to his gf.

And his girlfriend, I wonder if she knows. If she did would she have worn it? Or did she purposely wore it to mock me? Was this a big joke between them?? Lets wear the tshirts my ex gave me show her that we're blisfully happy together har.dee.har.har....Because that would be more than evil. And really not funny at all.

Seriously, seriously. I know hes immature but to be this daft?!!

I knew he wouldnt respect the memory we had, and even if he hated me that much, couldnt he at least respect me? Yes he doesnt mean anything to me now, I do not care anymore, hes moved on and happy and whatever I am too BUT.....who does that?? Really, WHO?! I dont know, someone tacky? A jerk? An asshat? A d-bag? Someone without class? All of the above? Could he really be that naive? Did he really think that the Malaysian community here is not small? that it wouldnt get back to me?? Did he do it to hurt me but why, hasnt he hurt me enough already? Give it away to a stranger if he didnt want to keep it fgs. Or if he just liked the idea of couple's tee so much couldnt he buy her new one at least??

Ive let go. Im not ranting here because I still care. But by wearing the tshirt I bought and giving the matching pair to a new gf is his way of letting me go?? Really? I think its common sense. You dont do that. Its common decency one should have to respect their prior and current relationship. To do what he did was beyond low.

Tell me people, that this anger is justified because I will punch him in the face the next time I see him I swear to god. Or at least I will roll my eyes to high heavens, its what mature people would do towards little children who cant think any better.

Been in lust with puck since episode 3, his facial expressions are pure love. But in this newest episode I just want to run my hands through that mohawk. They look so black and fluffy and nice looking ya know. And dont even get me started on his scenes sans shirts. That should go without saying.

Warning: multiple viewings of this may get you pregnant. Especially the smile at 1:20 and 1:33 oh my ovaries.

Had my crit today. I thought it went fairly okay despite the teensy weensy problem where I overslept! I overslept! On my presentation day! Yes it was stupid to assume that I could sleep for just one hour after I didnt sleep the day before and having had only 10 collective hours of sleep the past one week.

So the story went like this: after submitting the presentation yesterday I couldnt sleep until 3 am because I was so nervous about it that I was tossing and turning for 2 hours thinking about the things I wanted to say the next day. So I decided to just get out of bed and start typing it. Went to bed at 7, set the alarm clock at 8, didnt hear the double alarm of David Archuleta's sweet voice saying : "Hey kid wake up, youre late", didnt wake up when I received two texts at 9 and 11 asking where I was not until Shanis's text came in at 12!

I ran to school. Ran uphill. Ran carrying a bazooka, one A2 board and a model in a shoe box. Ran lika a true dorkette in distress. By the time I reached I was so out of breath (oy stamina youre going on the treadmill again once Im home) but thankfully it wasnt my turn to present yet, and all the critics had gone for lunch. We started again at 130. By this time I finished Saadi's bottled water he wasnt pleased, calmed my nerves, wrote down in note form what I wanted to say because in a hurry I forgot to save my speech to my pendrive which I had planned to print early that morning.

I had 4 of the nicest critics Ive ever had. 2 of them were practicing architects, one was an architect turned museum director. They were all super nice. I dont know I might be delusional from the sprint or too focused on the positives that even if they had given me a bad critic it didnt click in my tired brain. Maybe they hated it and was just being polite. I dont want to jinx it until I get the result but considering the day before when I was so scared of getting schooled hard, Im just relieved to have had the nicest critics ever, I was prepared to cry if I hadnt. My work was really crap but yeah didnt get slammed and for that I am grateful, Alhamdulillah.


Lookie at my model that lights up courtesy of Shanis' night lamp I murdered. We had to come up with our own concept of what museum we would like to build based on how we see Auckland and how our museum will be able to tell that story. So my museum is a Museum of lifestyle: Auckland as a city of sails and sales. I did researches on how the America's Cup and small businesses have changed Auckland's economy and tried to transpire that in my design. The museum director said I had the most original and mature concept. But honestly if I hear architecture as narrative anytime soon I think I'll cut a bitch.

For now I dont want to look at my design anymore. I am so sick of looking at my building I have been working on for 7 weeks but I have another EIGHT technical drawings to do on it omhaoevnpqarjiow for another assignment due next friday le sigh. This is where a structural engineer bf would come in handy.

The room is a giant mess. If Shamaz was here I know she would have at least helped with the dishes piled up in the sink haha. If my mom was here like last year she would have cleaned everything, vacuumed, and cooked nasi tomato by the time I got home. Mum, if youre reading this, come be my new roommate please. hmm I think I'll go and call you now.

__________________________________________________

Okay Ive cleared my computer's desktop does that count as cleaning? >.<

ps/ A heartfelt thanks to one anis hamaiza for your help, pep talk, and your lamp of course. Youre a rock star. :)

Still busy with last minute work on final crit. Its almost 4 am. So this is gonna be a quick, in and out post:

- First off, my annual promotion of Architecture Week. The installation by 2nd years is going on tonight at 630pm-10pm at 90 Wellesley St. This year's topic is called Transformers - something about mobile architecture I believe. Its also a competition between AU, Unitec and AUT. Head on there to see some interesting stuff - Ive looked at some when they repeatedly blocked my way from the workshop, or if you want to meet some future self-righteous architects.

- The other day my mom asked me if I had gotten over Shamaz like we had a break-up or something. haha. I still forget that Shamaz is not in Auckland sometimes. Somehow its not as fun talking over the phone about a-week-old gossip compared to one hot out the oven, face to face.

- I just cant find any reasons why I should be friends with certain people who werent mine before. Just because we share the same friends is not reason enough. Its nothing personal, but I'll avoid awkward situations as long as I can.

- My meals of late either only need hot water or the microwave to prepare, its kinda sad. I cant wait for the end of the month when Im less busy and broke. Yesterday I needed chocolate so bad I resolved to eating chocolate chips one uses for baking. Theyre a bit bitter but did its job to relieve this junkie.

- Ive always known that people have bigger problems than mine, but I didnt know the magnitude until recently or if it would hit too close to home. I wish I know the right things to say since I think Ive been saying the opposite.

- One of my pet peeves: rude, insensitive and unclassy people. Those who say things packaged in a half-assed joke meant to hurt/embarrass someone. Ive encountered this kind of people firsthand. Other people keep saying "oh dia memang macamtu" like it excuses the horrid personality. If thats their attempt at being sarcastic or bitchy, let me just say its lame.

Well thats really all I wanted to get off my chest for now anyway. Back to work zzz.

Ive done some pretty messed up things in my life that Im not proud off. Sometimes I think my uncanny talent to pretend these unpleasant things never happened has its disadvantages. I worry somewhere down the line I would repeat doing them.

Last night I had a dream, that the world came to an end. I woke up in cold sweat and just in time for Subuh. Life is bigger than me. Bigger than you. Bigger than me and you. Even though I still involuntarily cringe every time I hear that "f-word", I dont feel anything towards you anymore. My heart doesnt skip a beat when I see you, nor does it hurt too. And this is not even my selective memory playing a game on my feelings. Maybe, just maybe Ive finally realized my worth.

2 weeks to final presentation. Another 2 until Im home! :)

Look what these crazy kids made me do. Okay thats a lie since I was the one who directed, edited and produced this video. My friends are one talented bunch - they and these people are gonna dance ala this, in my wedding haha.

Anyway, this video was especially dedicated to my roommate and fellow GB, Shamaz. You know what Ive realized these past couple of days babe, that maybe I need you more than you need me. But thats okay.

Dear Shamaz,

How do I put into words how much you mean to me? I dont think I can. Because I know whatever I write wouldnt mean as much as what I really want to say. ha? I guess I can put them into pictures because I hear they say a lot, Ive done that. I can make a video, done that too. I can show them through tears, done and done. So this is the only way left.

Youre leaving for Malaysia for good in 10 hours, oh my heart, and I honestly dont know how I would cope here without you. Yes, we'll meet again in the future but it will never be the same. We wouldn't spend as much time, have as much fun, be as close, as we had this year as roommies.

Your side of the room and closet is now empty. And Im thinking ahead to times when I can no longer whine about my assignment in your bed while youre about to sleep. No more encouragements from you and your help in cutting masking tape while Im in dire times. No more lying flat and still in your bed, waiting for you to get out of the bathroom and giving you a scare. No more of your mind readings and comforting assurances everytime Im relapsing. No more smell of your apple pie greeting me from long day of class or your home-cooked dinner while Im too busy to cook eventhough its my turn. No more cowabunga dives on your bed because its the closest to the door and you only use half of the bed coz youre so cute. No more raiding your side of the closet and going "hey do you think I can fit this?" No more late night gossiping and snacking. No more discussion about life, love, future, etc over evening tea. No more waking you up to open a tightly lid bottle of jam because eventhough youre small, you are mighty strong. Haha reading this you must be pretty glad to get rid of my annoying ass huh?

But Im not just losing you as a roommate, Im also losing my best friend, a sister. Weve been classmates since Intec, movie buds, then we came here together and we've been tight friends, housemates for 2 years and roommates this year. Not only are you a good company, you are easily my friend who understands me most. So THANK YOU for being you Shamaz and Im SORRY for everything.

Remember that I want the very best for you. So you go out there in the world and be the best you can be. We'll meet again and even though it wouldnt be the same, at least I'll have the memory and pleasure of having you in my life for all these years....Argh I cant deal. Imma go cry in my pillow now.

(to be continued)

Taking a time off to wish you, yes you silent readers you. Including you mom:


Kuih, kek raya dah buat, ketupat, lemang, rendang, satay, kuah kacang dah masak, baju raya dah gosok, rumah dah kemas, now where the heck is my set square grr? Sigh woe is me who has a presentation on Tuesday. Since NZ is already late anyway, I think I'll postpone my celebration til after. In the meantime, have a good one everybody. :)

Today I got these tshirts in my mail. My baju raya kedua & ketiga. :D


Ahh 90s flashback. I tots had a crush on the pink ranger and Chuckie. I guess Im into dorks of all ages, shapes, and sizes.. -.-

Anyway there are some new songs on the playlist. You have to scroll down a bit until the music player to listen. This time some happy tunes for your eargasm pleasure because Im in a giving mood.

"You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee"

Im in love, with that song. My fav line: Youre cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right. Heh you kinda are. :)

I would like to think that I am a good listener when it comes to my friends' problems. And I also think that Im an emotional observer. I relate to people and what theyre going through because I put myself in their shoes. Sometimes I have opinions but I dont always say it because I understand that sometimes if youre going through a crisis or heartbreak, all you want is a crying shoulder. You dont want to hear advices from someone who tries to understand by reflecting on their own personal experiences or thoughts on the matter. But I do understand. So this is the place I voice the opinions I dont usually say, relating their problems with my experiences or what Im going through... because it is all about me demmit haha, just kidding hiish be serious. But honestly because I think thats the only way I know how to write.

Most common problem that friends share are relationship troubles. So much so that I joke with my friends that in the future I'll become an expert in love because just by living through their relationships I know how to handle fights, what kind of guy to look for, and the red lights to stay away from. One glaring red light being emo, egocentric, self centered jerks.

I see a friend in a relationship where the bf only wants to do what he wants or he'll become all moody and treats her like crap in public. So she offers to pay for things and make a reward system of hugs and kisses just to get him to do what she wants for ten minutes. Stay away from these guys. The guy who knows he just has to do one huge gesture, and lets all of his bad deeds slide for the next couple of weeks, knowing that the one grand gesture of love is his safety net for all the crap he'd pull (despite the fact that the gesture wasn't near good enough to excuse all his crap, anyway). Oh Ive dated that guy. It gets old, sifting through his bullshit, looking for his random acts of love. You'd never get what you want. You'd never be loved enough.

They prey on the fact that you're a good person, a nice, selfless person - someone who wants to make a sad person happy, a mad person smile, a depressed person enjoy getting up every day (okay, a little over-reaching but you know what I mean). We are girls after all, we have a high level of patience and ability to put up with crap. So when I listen to these problems, I dont tell my friends that they should break up, its not my place even though it is obvious how often he makes her cry. Who knows maybe people can change for the better, and like everyone I want to believe that. But dont stay because you think you cant do better or because youre afraid some other girl will get him. Brooding emo doesnt always equate to cool, sometimes it means they need anti-depressants or counseling.

Another story that recently broke me is about a friend who experienced some setbacks in his studies. I relate most to this because of the moments Ive had myself to just give up on mine. I talked at length about this the other day with my mom. When did it change from being the top 5% in our class a few years ago to just scraping by now? My mom, always so wise, understands this isnt high school, and what I study cant be compared to other subjects. Its like every few weeks I was being judged on American Idol, not on my singing talent but all I have to offer are up for criticism and sometimes the outcome can be brutal. They take your work down faster than a bullet train and its hard not to lose heart.

My mom believes that I have a strong will, that I can persevere. It is strange how she believes in me because I cant believe in myself. But perhaps that is what my friend needs to continue; a strong willpower - for the hard work you have to put in, for the rejections and criticisms, you lose hope and you will struggle to get back. I know because I lost it once and I paid the price for it. I learned from my mistakes and hopefully will continue to do so. It will only get harder from here, but its not too late to make it all better.

We can persevere.

Just finished watching a new series premier: Glee. And you guys it is the shiz. I dont think I have been this excited about a new tv show before. I might love this as much as I loved Pushing Daisies. Scratch that. I already do. Its that good. (May you RIP Pushing Daisies, I will not forget you).

The show is a quirky musical comedy about a group of high school students in a school's choir called glee club. It has a little bit of dark comedy, smart, subtle humour, some eye candy, talented talented actors/singers and a lot of singing. I know you must be thinking eh another High School Musical. But not even. I give you that the premise isnt that creative. But HSM only wishes it was half as good. Glee trumps HSM's skinny ass so bad, in the end you will be left thinking wait HSM who?

Remember when Olive bust into Olivia Newton John in second episode of Pushing Daisies, well when they started rocking out to Journey in the pilot was that same awesomeness times ten. Dont Stop Believing is my jam yo. Plus plus Kristen Chenoweth who played Olive in PD is gonna be on Glee soon. Hee Im gleeful just thinking about it. Shes my bitch.

And I love that they have this crazy, flight of the bumble bee soundtrack going on everytime something batshit is about to happen. I dont know, it just made me smile inward.

Anyway I better stop gushing, this obsession could be premature since we're only 2 episodes in. Future episodes might suck for all I know. But for now *squeals* ahh flove!

(please ignore my random 'hood talk, it happens sometimes when Im amped on caffeine at 4 am waiting for Subuh. =.=)